deep breaths

okay im stressed, like really really stressed. I'm trying to book a flight to seattle at the end of july. Everything has started to hit me. I can't breathe right. i decided to go to central seattle community college instead of south. Its pretty much in downtown seattle so its going to be extremely expensive. My mom wants me to move out a whole month before so i can get settled in and be able to focus when fall semester starts. Since school starts september 22nd, that means id move out late august. SHYITT thats soon and all i have is dishes and a blender!

IM WORRIED THAT...

-i wont be able to find a job
-i'm going to be totally lost for a while
-that i wont do well in school
-that i'll be alone
-i wont be able to take the weather
-nostalgia will kill me

BUT I'M HYPED THAT...

-I'll finally be somewhere else
-I'll grow up alot being that my parents wont be there
-I'll be getting closer to a career i actually wanna have
-I'll meet new people
-I'll be surrounded by an amazing music scene
-I'll hang out with alan in canada
-I'll always get rain
-my atmosphere will be completely opposite


okay i feel better now

birthday hi lights

PRE-BIRTHDAY

-river party with lauren, carlos, and andy
-turned 21 at midnight, went to napas
-me and lauren stole ordering notebooks and a shot glass
-seth bought me a birthday margarita
-i took a straight shot of jack with no chaser
-matthew, jess, and vanessa joined us
-went home, stood on my parents bed and made them wake up to take a shot with me
-we all had a shot of casadores tequila, theyre my heros!!

BIRTHDAY

-woke up, went to the gas station with michael
-we bought a 40 and orange juice
-dropped him off then went swimming
-fought wasps
-saw a bee swimming
-took a shower and passed out
-me and lauren went to olive garden
-had margaritas, they didnt even card meeee
-everyone and their mother, i drank my life away
-billy monster hung out
-drank more
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS ARE NOT REMEMBERED

-i had a topless party with myself haha
-played some mad ping pong
-kicked people out for whatever reason
-jumped in the pool fully clothed
-passed out

POST-BIRTHDAY

-hung out with johnny and andy
-found my heel in the middle of the street
-bought a handle and orange soda at about ten AM
-my brother found the other heel over the wall by the mall haha
-had a mini mall party
-had a killer something vague jam session
-picked up bolin and lynne and drove to yucca for a show
-nachos, pizza, and beer
-got free birthday beers
-had a heart to heart with chris cross
-linda came, we drank, she wanted to hook me up with some bro haha
-it was a really good show!
-went home

June 4th

A pretty solid day

-day off
-carlos and andy dropped me off at 5 am
-andy picked me up at 11 am
-went to his house, had brass monkeys for breakfast
-i made him some good ass breakfast burritos
-cut his hair
-bought la cadena vodka, chips galore, and capri sun, its the new chaser only $2.49 for a ten pack!
-we made bbq and salsa verde chip sandwiches
-i broke my fast after 4 days :(
-drank and had indio fashion mall party with johnny
-mexican candy <3
today i ate my first legit meal, chilli cheese fries from carls jr
-im going on the maple syrup lemon cayanne pepper water diet 2 days after my birthday. Which means no drinking alcohol or eating for ten whole days!!
-the supplies to be on it cost me 17 bucksss AYE
-ANYWAY, played doubles tennis with lauren, carlos, and matthew, soo fun
-i'm def the worst player, running isnt my thing
-we did cart wheels in the park after and back flips and all had sex talk
-headed to carlos' jacky and andy met up we all had vodka and dole
[another handle, handled]
-drove by caroline on accident then went in to her goodbye party
-met people, saw lizards
-eric and caroline drunk and dramatically tried to get me not to drive so i ran to my car and drove off hahah
-it was a marvelous wednesday :]

current song: "Go Ahead"

-worked
-napped
-carlos' house with andy
-blurry night
-sang a little elliot smith
-drank citron, it was okay
-i wanna be a professional alcohol reviewer
no school needed
-i passed out in a doorway? hmm
-i guess "duh" was the word of the night.
-the fast is going well, i feel okay, shakey but
im keeping very hydrated :]
-me, lauren, andy, and carlos are gonna play tennis today. im hyped
-i get paid tomorrow, im gonna buy margarita supplies
-im almost 21
-i cant stop listening to this song.

maybe i should invest in taking over the whore life style

-last night was weird, im not over it
-me and lauren serenaded people at the party
-i feel like throwing up
-jaeger bombs, vodka, beer
-got pulled into the pool with my clothes on
-parent talk with tom
-made a cool ten year old friend, dria is chill as hell
-i love cats
-i hate people that are too much like me
-late night skinny dip, scandeloso
-pretty sure andy saw me naked, not to mention everyone else even though i was convinced it was way dark
-I havent's been negative in a while but... i've decided im gonna start being fake and not let my guard down (not that i do already) im so sick of this place. I have to stop drinking so much, its rediculous. I'm sick of my life style. I'm so sick of meeting the same people in different bodies.
-i wanna move now
-im fasting til im 21
-i hate my weight
-my palm centro is donezo, whateva im over it [kinda]
-i miss people
-i want more constants
-im not having a good day, incase that wasn't obvious
-if i got pregnant, id surely hoover that shit out and dump it on his lawn
-ha ok, now that thats out, i feel better, for real :]
-plus this lady gave me 20 buucks for finding her diamond earing
-&& my birthdays in 4 days, i cant wait for bars and gnarly old men
-i want a margarita
-plus i got a new blender

ugh

the only thing keeping me up right now is my dire need to say happy birthday to tom ha

interesting night, tonight

-i had lots of inspirado today, i wrote 2 new soongs on keyboard
-hung out with lauren
-dropped half a bottle of orange soda in my purse in an attempt to escape the cops
-saw the strangers movie, it was awesome
-johnny measled 3 free movie tickets out of the river for my chair being kicked
-one of those tickets better have my name on it
-turned everyone against andy
-went to cheesecake factory
-decided burger king was betterrrr and cheaper
-all 8 of us bailed
-me andy lauren and johnny headed over to BK
-they closed a whole hour early but johnny threatened to sue so we all bought chicken fries and ate them on the curb outside
-i spilled my sprite behind the counter and as they were in the back johnny and i frantically grabbed towels and cleaned up the mess i made
-we're smooth
-im clumsy :]
-i love how big of a con johnny is <3
-i hate mind games alot, i wish i could bring myself to stop playing them but i simply cant be made a fool :[
-tonight was fun, tomorrows my day off, okay, its tom's 25th birthday!!
-were drinking all day when we wake up
-so its like any other day basically but coooler
i wanna make cool cupcakes like this!!

Last day of May!

-worked
-napped
-went to the way good beach side cafe show
-i was inebriated, BIG surprise
-i like seeing everyone
-went to vons with matthew, bought red bull and plain goldfishes
i regretted it cause the cheese ones are better.
Matthew dumped the fishes into my cheez it box,
truely assuming that the fishes would take on the cheese flavor
...hahah
-we went back to the show
-i went to my car and took a 30 minute "nap"
-woke up ready to party
-del taco party
-went to shannons
-bought beer and mojitos
-everyone pawned off their wine to me
-drank a mojito with tom
-life talks with rusty, tom and his friend
-shannon pulled me around in a wagon and we pretended it was a tour ride
-left, hung out with matthew